MY LIFE IS a dichotomy, in that I’ve spent years in tae kwon do, love football and rodeos, but have an affinity for frozen yoghurt and watching Netflix with a good cabernet and wood wick candles next to my cats, Thelma and Louise. I attribute my temperament to genes and California hippy tap water.

The origins of personal traits, to include anxiety, can be biological, environmental, or inadvertently “seed-planted” by anxious parents. Male anxiety (a.k.a., “manxiety”) is clinically contagious if you’re around it long enough. My dad, a manly victim of indecisiveness, often had me second-guessing my own life choices, or not making one at all. To this day, I’m often paralysed by an Applebee’s lunch menu or a yellow traffic light.

Men are stalwarts of resolve with an uncanny ability to chug beer, char meat, and kill one another. We recognise that our cars and lawn mowers need tune-ups and diagnostic tests, but we rarely wash our feet in the shower, let alone visit a physician for our own check-ups – especially for anything regarding the brain. And when we don’t prioritise our own wellbeing, neither do others. If you’re a man with anxiety, however, the norms become skewed and irrational.

I grew-up a hypochondriac certain that every pain, rash, bump, or twitch was something malignant or terminal. I visited the hospital countless times per year while spending the equivalent of a Range Rover full of backup dancers on annual copays. What I thought was testicular cancer was an inguinal hernia from doing deadlifts. What I was certain was genital herpes was an ingrown hair. What I feared was Lyme disease was an allergic reaction to grass. And what I accepted as a heart attack turned out to be…anxiety.

Only twice did I not go to a hospital when I should have. The first was at 18 while suffering intense chest pains and laboured breathing because I had unknowingly collapsed a lung. In my defence, I thought it was heartburn. The second was when I intermittently peed blood over a 10-month stint. A rational man would interpret hematuria as the ultimate motivation for a hospital visit. But the only thing worse than my fear of potential hospice was the anxiety of a pending cystoscopy.

Consequently, I settled on platinum-level denial until I landed in surgery and chemo. Ignorance is a prickly muse. With chronic male anxiety, it’s torturous to determine what warrants an ER visit versus antacids. And when it came to my mental health, I handled it like most men: denial, distraction, and drugs. In that order.

“Men are MUCH MORE STIGMATISED by any admission of a psychiatric illness and are much LESS LIKELY TO SEEK TREATMENT”

Most men with anxiety have no idea what’s wrong with them – like Bill Bixby in The Hulk, they just feel “off.” Denial and distraction are why so many men walk around as functioning alcoholics or addicts. In the absence of knowing any better or a willingness to seek help regarding male anxiety, we plug the holes however we can. But if you treated any other ailment by ignoring or avoiding it, the outcome would be similarly grim. You can ignore asthma and diabetes for a while too. But every disorder has its dues.

Since anxiety, depression, and all disorders of the mind are still largely stigmatised among men, my first coping tactic was denial, lest I appeared weak and vulnerable among my peers. “While some may consider this a stereotype – that men do not seek help for mental health issues – it is statistically correct…men are much more stigmatised by any admission of a psychiatric illness and are much less likely to seek treatment,” says Sammie LaMont Moss, M.D., a psychiatrist at Kaiser Permanente in Denver.

This is particularly troublesome as depression and anxiety in men are more likely to manifest in substance abuse and suicidal behaviour. “We often see in the clinical setting that an attempt to address anxiety can manifest in different ways. For example, men will turn to substances like alcohol or cannabis for some immediate relief, which can cause long-term, harmful effects,” says Moss.

How anxiety presents in men

I’M AN EXCEPTIONALLY kind and empathetic guy, but anxiety makes me irritable and angry. If I’m forced to socially interact or deal with a rude stranger, I become a chupacabra with a flashpoint of WD-40. I expend great effort trying to determine when I’m feeling anxious before it defaults to a felony persona. But distinguishing between anxiety and irritability requires Maharajah-level introspection.

“Due to the social pressure that men experience based on the unwritten rule that men are to be strong and in control at all times, anxiety is not easily identifiable in men, even if that man’s anxiety has reached overwhelming levels” says San Diego psychologist Bruce Thiessen, Ph.D. “Many of the symptoms may express somatically, in the form of medical problems or conditions, such as ulcers, back pain, hypertension, and the like,” he says.

Dustin Siegel, Psy.D., a Chicago-based clinical psychologist and founder of the LEAP Center for Anxiety, agrees. “A lot of men have been told their whole lives to ‘man up’ or ‘be tough.’ It’s hard for many men to talk to someone else about their vulnerabilities, and one of the paradoxical truths about mental health is that the more a person – male or female – tries to bottle-up their feelings, the more likely they are to develop a problem.”

If I simply ignored my feelings of angst, I could pretend anxiety didn’t exist for me. But denial wasn’t designed nor intended to work long term. And when denying anxiety exacerbated problems, I turned to distraction. Distraction is an effective but equally short-term, noncurative technique in countering stress or discomfort, in that it avoids addressing the core issue.

How does chronic anxiety for men differ in anxiety for women?

“THE MOST OBVIOUS signs of male anxiety are the physical ones,” says Lindsay Israel, M.D., psychiatrist and chief medical officer at Success TMS. “Men might find themselves going to the emergency room or their primary care provider with complaints of chest pain, fearful they are having a heart attack,” adds Dr. Israel. As men, we need to save our hearts for red meat and break-ups.

Though anxiety is an equal opportunist, Dr. Israel shares that “women are twice as likely to develop an anxiety disorder as compared to men, and women are more likely to seek help for their anxiety symptoms. Therefore, men are more likely to develop severe symptoms of anxiety and possibly develop an additional depressive disorder due to the lack of treatment intervention.”

Thiessen confirms this assertion adding that, “men are also more likely to become aggressive, and to develop problems in their relationships, due to dysfunctional ways of expressing their anxiety. Many men turn to drugs, alcohol, gambling, and personally destructive sexual addictions to relieve chronic stress through escape,” says Thiessen.

In my case, I wielded distraction like artillery over my physical well-being. I over-trained in the gym, over-ran the trails, and over-swam in the lap pool. But I also over-imbibed alcohol. Drinking to distract is a futile endeavour. I would later harm-reduce to cannabis edibles, tinctures, and vapes. And on a few occasions, I casually overdid those too. Overdosing on THC edibles leads to a nauseous, frenzied panic that is ruefully memorable, with a hangover that rivals what you’d experience if you sniffed kerosene.

So, what to do with all this male anxiety?

MEN ARE FIXERS. We often try to fix things and people that aren’t broke. It’s important to note that acute anxiety that prompts us to do our taxes or flee a K-pop mob is healthy. Once it becomes long term or chronic, however, it’s detrimental to one’s physical and mental health.

“One of the best ways for a man to become comfortable with accepting that he has a mental health issue is to speak to other people,” says Moss. “Quite often a man will be surprised to learn how many other people are suffering similar difficulties. Finding out that you are not alone can go a long way to help normalise what you’re experiencing,” adds Moss. Anxiety doesn’t always love company, but it loves perspective.

Thiessen upholds this tenet. “Men need to feel accepted, and not judged, for showing both strength and weakness. Society might judge them; mental health providers will not,” he says. In almost every instance where I’ve revealed my anxiety struggles to another man, he has replied in commiseration with his own. It’s clearly indicative of the ratio and cross section of men silently suffering from anxiety.

You don’t need a panic room; you need a panic plan

THERE ARE SIMPLE and clinically effective things men can do to lower their anxiety:

• Talk to your primary care provider, who could potentially prescribe medication or refer you to other specialists who can help. “This is also an area where group therapy, segregated by gender, may help – particularly for men who are stigmatised and think they’re being seen as weak or as a victim. Learning what other men experience can help break that stigma,” highlights Moss.
• There are phone apps for anything from interpreting your dog’s barks, to fermenting mead in your man-shed, to treating your anxiety while preserving your privacy. Moss encourages his patients to leverage smart phone apps like Calm, myStrength, and Headspace. Digital therapeutics (DTx) are mainstream now.
• Biofeedback, medications such as SSRIs, SNRIs, and in more recent years, neuromodulation such as TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) are all effective options for treatment of anxiety disorders. “Typically, it is not any one modality that targets these symptoms for a person, it is more often a combination of various modalities that gives the most optimal results,” says Dr. Israel.
• Physical exercise is an exceptional way to relieve anxiety. “Exercise prevents an excessive buildup of cortisol in the body while increasing levels of epinephrine and norepinephrine, neurotransmitters that modulate anxiety and regulate mood and emotion, yielding a sense of peace of mind,” cites Thiessen. Hakuna masquata, fellow men. Moss suggests also integrating healthy lifestyle choices, nutritious eating, and limiting harmful substances like alcohol and cannabis along with your fitness plan.

More than just the “greatest hits” to contest male anxiety, this is my own triage to maintaining a career, relationships, and a life largely unfettered by the cerebral minesweeper of anxiety. Because there’s no place like “om.”

This article originally appeared on Men’s Health US.

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The post The subtle signs you have high-functioning anxiety appeared first on Men's Health Magazine Australia.

Early in the movie, he is given some of the greatest wisdom a young man could hope to hear: “Don’t let the little head do the thinking for the big head”. I wasn’t even a teenager when I caught this film on TV late one night, and despite my best attempts to absorb this valuable guidance, it vanished the moment they cut to a scene with exotic dancers on the hoods of the cars as a sales promotion.

I know I’m not alone in having sexual thoughts or sexual urges crowd out what I was actually trying to do with my day. I wasted a lot of time and energy following similar thoughts and urges to fruition. When I did so by myself, the only person losing out was me. As an adult in a long-term relationship there’s really nothing like fulfilling those urges with someone who I really care about, and who cares a lot about me.

As a single man, however, I sometimes found myself following those urges into situations where there was a lot less care from both people, and the length of those relationships was significantly shorter.

At first, I believed I was assuming my final form, that of a goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus. But it wasn’t long before the wisdom of which head was doing the thinking started to make sense.

It started while trying to solve the equation as to why I felt so hurt when a woman didn’t text me back after asking her on a third date. I discovered that it was because my big head had negotiated the initial situation. If I found myself in crisis management fielding a stream of upset texts from a woman who had different ideas to me about the status of our relationship, that was usually because the little head had been project lead on that scenario.

Things carried on like this until a good friend of mine sat me down and gave me a stern talking to regarding what kind of calamity I was getting myself into by having such an unsustainable sexual energy policy.

He wasn’t only warning me of the kind of personal trouble I was inviting, but also of the spiritual trouble I was so obviously trapped in: constantly searching for something that was missing within me and expecting to find what I needed in another, not knowing that I could keep looking until the end of my days and never find it. That’s not to mention that I just wasn’t getting anything done.

At one point I would be walking back to my home in Bondi with my groceries, and I’d pass a beautiful woman in her togs on her way to the beach. Of course, I didn’t say or do anything, but if the feeling in my body from witnessing her stunning, undulating womanhood walk past me lingered like the coconut-scented air that wafted in her wake, the moment I was inside my apartment and the tofu was in the fridge, I’d lose a whole afternoon manually working that feeling out of my body on my own.

It took a while before I finally accepted that my mate was right, and when a ‘big head’ relationship showed up it was clear that I needed to find a way to stop the ‘little head’ from deciding how things would go this time. So, I got to work learning how to redirect those feelings to places that were far healthier and more productive.

By learning to see such moments as a gift given to us by these women and knowing that the energy released from that moment can be used to our benefit in ways far more constructive than mere pleasure, we are instantly freed from our choices being derailed by our more basic instincts.

There’s a physical side to this as well, a technique I learned that is not unlike breathing through a stretch to find more flexibility. Being present to that explosive rush in your body, then taking a few deep belly breaths, it’s possible to move that powerful ball of energy out of your hips and up into your heart. When I moved that energy there, the sky looked a little bluer, things sounded a little crisper, even food tasted more sumptuous.

When we’re teenagers, it’s almost impossible to harness that sexual energy. Learning how to harness it is an important part of growing into a man. Just as we learn how to control our physical power, so we don’t accidentally hurt someone, or learn how to handle surges in emotion or desire, part of being a man is knowing when and how to use the power we all have in ways that provide for or protect the people around us if needed.

If we keep losing energy to anger or desire, we won’t have anything left when it comes to achieving our goals or helping those we care about.

Little boys get ‘stiffies’ on the beach when a pretty lady walks by and unleashes a cascading hormonal response within them that they can barely control. Men, gratefully and respectfully take that very same energy as a free power-up, using that beautiful boost to help them be a better partner, a better provider and a better friend.

When I first started working in the reality TV dating space, I was a single man. Journalists at the time would ask me to my face if as a single man I was a ‘cat in the henhouse’, sometimes even on live television. While I was disappointed that’s the first place they went, completely ignoring not only the professionalism I’m proud of but also the agency of every woman involved, I understand why they did it.

Because as men (and only men asked me this question) they had probably never considered that you could choose what to do with the sexual urges that can sometimes come over you (sorry). For a long time, I was the same, and I’m grateful I get to live now as a different man.

Like anything new we learn, at first, it’s deliberate but soon enough it’s automatic.

Now, any such thoughts immediately repurpose themselves to thoughts about me and my wife, which is a delightful bonus that can sometimes bring a cheeky smile because I’m now thinking about what might happen when I get home, were it not for the 5-year- old kicking-machine sleeping between us.

Learning how to redirect this energy can allow us to reap the benefits of what it means to wholly and completely commit to a loving relationship, even to be more productive at work, be a better father, even to be more helpful to others, because that’s what can happen when we’re using our big brain to do the thinking.

Related: 

Osher Günsberg on the male rite of passage we don’t talk about

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The post Osher Günsberg on how to redirect distracting sexual energy appeared first on Men's Health Magazine Australia.

“I THINK MY boss is a narcissist.” “Your mum sounds like a narcissist.” “Oh, my ex-boyfriend was so abusive, a total narcissist.” You’ve heard these extremely common sentiments out in the real world.

More than half a million videos on TikTok are tagged with #NarcTok, indicating that they are about narcissism and narcissists. Videos with titles like “things my husband did that I thought was normal” and “10 signs you’re in a relationship with a narcissist,” or delving into narcissistic parents and friends, are posted largely by alleged survivors of narcissistic relationships.

Unsurprisingly, some particularly popular videos are from people that are diagnosed (or identify as) narcissists while others are actually from professionals within the psychology field – but the majority of the content is from completely uncredentialed TikTokers. They’re merely content creators, and yet within a couple of videos it’s easy to feel informed and send you into a spiral about the people in your life, maybe even yourself.

How likely is it, though, that the person you’re armchair-diagnosing is actually a card-carrying narcissist? Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is thought to affect up to 5% of the population and is 50 to 75% more common in males than females.

“When we talk about narcissism, we’re not always talking about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Unfortunately, all we have are numbers on Narcissistic Personality Disorder, because this tends to be done in clinical research settings,” explains Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and author of the book It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People. “If we’re talking about enough narcissism in a person’s personality to cause relationship problems or for other people to notice, that number is probably closer to 10%.”

The dangers of armchair psychology on TikTok

Oftentimes on social media platforms, popularity and engagement are conflated with expertise or insight. And that can lead to a whole lot of misinformation being circulated with a veneer of authority. “There’s an arrogance of TikTok that everyone’s an expert in anything just because they read two sentences about it,” Dr. Ramani said. “I baked one cake, and that makes me a pastry chef.”

She prefers to think of TikTok specifically as entertainment. “I’m not going to go watch Saturday Night Live to figure out how to manage my back injury,” she laments.

Mental health professionals like psychiatrists and clinical psychologists possess the education, background and proper credentials to diagnose NPD, and even then, it takes hours of assessments to determine if someone actually meets the diagnostic criteria. Similarly, when working with clients who are speaking of others, Dr. Ramani says it takes much more than a singular session to bring narcissism into the conversation, and substantially more than a viral TikTok clip. “It’s more like, ‘I’m seeing some patterns here, a lack of empathy.’ It takes a minute for me to figure this out. I sit with them for weeks, and little by little, the picture emerges.”

Although it also has its own negative contributions to people’s mental health, the existence of social media and widespread access to information has had some positive effects on the destigmatization of mental health and an uptick of awareness of the dangers of narcissism within relationships.

At minimum, the increased conversation allows people to acknowledge unhealthy, abusive or even dangerous aspects of their own relationship. “Once upon a time, people would have that stuff happening in the relationship and would write it off as ‘relationships are work’ or ‘this is just how things are,” Dr. Ramani said.

But on TikTok, where the algorithm incentivizes creators to post videos that users will watch to the end, the pursuit of going viral can easily undermine any sort of value these accounts may be offering.

“There are people out there who are really suffering in narcissistic relationships,” Dr. Ramani said. “As more and more people are given misinformation or use the word incorrectly, it ends up minimizing and trivializing the experience of people who are in these relationships.” In other words: if everyone’s ex is a narcissist, were any of them really a narcissist? This dilutes the gravity of the personality type. “A layperson can’t diagnose schizophrenia, a lay person can’t diagnose cancer, and this is no different than that,” adds Ramani.

Due to the characteristics and common behaviors of a narcissistic, most will never see the inside of a therapist’s office. And statistics can’t really tell the whole story, so flippantly calling everyone a narcissistic risks rendering the word entirely meaningless.

Debunking #NarcTok

“Narcissism is a personality style that’s characterized by a person with low or variable empathy, entitlement, grandiosity, brigance, pathological selfishness and excessive need for praise and validation and admiration, a real sort of sense of superficiality, very surface level way of focusing on appearances and even a superficial approach to things like relationships,” Dr Ramani said.

They tend to envy other people and in turn assume everyone is envious of them. A major key, she says, that the narcissistic person likely isn’t aware of and that others won’t typically pick up on without spending a lot of time with them, is that all of these unsavory traits mask a deeply insecure person, enabling them to avoid the discomfort of looking within and facing those feelings about themselves.

“These traits are also associated with a lot of very unhealthy behaviors in these relationships, like manipulation, gaslighting, invalidation, minimization, contempt, trivializing other people’s issues, betrayal, lying, domination, anger, rage, passive aggression, withdrawing and withholding when they don’t get their way, what we call future faking or making promises and then breaking them in the name of manipulation to keep someone around, and shifting blame onto other people and not taking responsibility,” she said. The motivations behind this conduct are primarily power, domination and control.

It’s easy to spend time around someone and deduce that they’re entitled and perhaps even a very jealous person by their patterns of behavior, but these are just pieces to an incomplete puzzle. “If I came to your house and I gave you six eggs, what would you think I gave you? Would you think I gave you a cake? No, but you couldn’t have a cake without the eggs.” The eggs alone do not make a cake.

It’s OK to just call someone self-centered, entitled, or say that they think very highly of themselves, without it expressly being narcissism. Cherry-picking and pathologizing these traits doesn’t dispel the stigma around mental health issues, and it frequently leads to misuse and miseducation. For example, the idea that a little narcissism is healthy is plainly an incorrect application of it.

“I think that what happens is people pull out a strand, like, ‘It’s okay to have a little healthy narcissism and sometimes be a little selfish.’ Being a little selfish is just being a little selfish, and that’s okay. “ she says.

When they say “healthy narcissism,” it’s nothing more than an attempt to be provocative. They’re referring to someone with a healthy ego. “[They] can set boundaries, sometimes even when it’s uncomfortable, but still be aware of the other person. It might occasionally include making a decision that is more self-serving but also being aware of the consequences and ramifications.”

Finally, a lot of social media advice for those with navigating relationships with narcissists lacks nuance. “It’s people saying the only way to heal from a narcissistic relationship is by going no contact, which is a lie. That leads people to panic,” she says. Not everyone can just get (or afford) a divorce or wants to stop speaking to a parent, family member or friend. “That’s the thing I probably run into the most: ‘Well, I’m hearing that the only way to heal is if I break up from this relationship or get a divorce.’ And, it’s patently untrue.”

Therapy isn’t about diagnosing others, it’s for you. Dr. Ramani helps clients understand what’s happened to them and why they felt crazy, validates their experience, and gets them to a place where they feel more emotionally stable again. Then, they work on education so the patient can make more informed decisions. #NarcTok isn’t intended for this. Frequently, the posts are used to end a conversation, rather than open one or offer reputable resources.

Dr. Ramani makes content for social outlets and has been for a few years now, but is aware that all mental health content from professionals and laypeople alike is in the same format and being delivered together. She says: “At best, TikTok is a dysfunctional door that, hopefully, will take you to wiser places.”

This article originally appeared on Men’s Health US.

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The post What #narctok won’t tell you about real narcissism appeared first on Men's Health Magazine Australia.

BRAVING THE WIND and rain to take the dog for a walk might not seem appealing, but we know it benefits not only our pets but also our mental health. In fact, a recent study by Purina found that 82 per cent of people felt dog walks improved their mental well-being. Similarly, a study by The Kennel Club revealed that three-quarters of participants reported improved moods after walking their dogs.

‘Our dogs aren’t the only ones who need to socialise to stay happy and healthy,’ says Danny Silk, Founder of Walkie Dogs. “Social dog walking groups can help to combat feelings of loneliness and isolation. Social dog walking is a fantastic way to meet new, like-minded people and to keep active in nature with your pet.”

It’s well-known that walking our dogs brings numerous physical health benefits. With only 21% of adults and 13% of older adults worldwide meeting the recommended levels of physical activity, having our dogs as motivation to get moving is undeniably a good thing.

A study published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health supports this, identifying dog walking as a key way to boost physical activity. The study notes that briskly walking your dog for at least 30 minutes a day can easily help meet the recommended 150 minutes of physical activity per week. It also highlights that social relationships, even with non-human companions, can positively influence physical activity, fostering a sense of responsibility and shared enjoyment. The researchers conclude: “Dog walking serves both the emotional needs of the owner and the physical needs of the dog.”

Walk this way

Silk agrees, ‘Spending time with your furry friend helps to provide a sense of companionship and emotional support, alleviating feelings of loneliness and anxiety. Research has shown that interacting with pets can trigger the release of oxytocin, the “bonding hormone,” which fosters feelings of love and trust while simultaneously reducing stress levels.’

Dog walks needn’t be hour long hikes, either. A walk around the block could help us see benefits, with new evidence indicating that 15 minutes of exercise is enough to boost our mood.

It’s time to lace up, grab the lead and get out the door. Your dog and your mind will thank you for it.

This article originally appeared on Men’s Health UK.

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The post Dog walks benefit mental health, says new study appeared first on Men's Health Magazine Australia.

On October 27th, it will be three years to the day since Cavallo publicly announced his sexuality. While he was initially inundated by messages of support, even today, the act is earning him a steady stream of vitriolic comments on social media. “I’ve had to build thick skin since coming out,” Cavallo tells Men’s Health in a chat during Adelaide United’s preseason training.

While LGBTQ+ players make up a significant portion of the Australian women’s national team – and women’s professional leagues at large – the same cannot be said about the men’s game. In addition to Cavallo, Czech international Jakub Jankto and Ivorian striker Richard Kone are the only other openly gay men’s footballers currently playing at the professional level.

It’s an exclusive club, and new admissions are infrequent at best, as the footballing world struggles to become more accepting of the LGBTQ+ community. By now, Cavallo has come to accept that progress will be slow, but he admits that he expected the trickle started by his announcement to be closer to a deluge by now. “It’s not really expanding at the speed I thought it would, and it’s definitely still struggling in some strategic areas,” he says. “As a professional footballer, I’m still very alone when it comes to having gay representation.”

In the post Cavallo made to Instagram announcing his sexuality back in 2021, he wrote that he previously “had to mask my feelings to fit the mould of a professional footballer” and that “growing up, being gay and playing football were two paths that hadn’t crossed before”. Three years on, he believes the landscape is changing, but still has a long way to go. He points to the mixed reception of his coming out post, and many posts since, as evidence of this.

“It’s quite disappointing to still see backlash and hatred online. Football is the most popular sport in the world, and a lot of football fans come from countries where being gay isn’t socially or legally acceptable, so it’s to be expected,” Cavallo says. “But as a result, I now have a world of people who do support me and are wishing me well and we’re fighting in this together.”

To continue building inclusivity of the LGBTQ+ community in football, Cavallo accepts that he needs to continue to inhabit the spotlight, as one of the few openly gay players in men’s professional football. While he’s downbeat about the likelihood of enacting swift change, Cavallo is taking this role in his stride. “I can’t tell you that I’m going to be the person to change everything, but I’ll put my best foot forward and give it all I’ve got,” he says.

INSTAGRAM | @joshua.cavallo

Improving LGBTQ+ acceptance in football begins with visibility, according to Cavallo. In this space, brand ambassadorships, campaigns and magazine covers (like our very own from 2022) are useful. These opportunities haven’t been hard to come by for Cavallo, who boasts a social media following that numbers over one million and a smouldering gaze that naturally befits a man that frequently appears on billboards.

Most recently, Cavallo appeared in a campaign for Ralph Lauren’s new Polo 67, a bold and bright fragrance with a heart of pineapple accord that has since become his go-to scent. “I really enjoyed being a part of this campaign, and the fragrance itself is incredible,” he says. “I usually have a steady fragrance rotation, but Polo 67 just shocked me and it’s now my regular scent.”

Of course, as well as his many endorsements, it’s important for Cavallo to have ‘boots on the ground’, so to speak and be able to turn out regularly for his club. Unfortunately, that’s an area Cavallo has struggled with over the past few years. When he came out, Cavallo was a regular member of Adelaide United’s first team lineup, making 19 appearances across the 2021/22 A-League season. But midway through the 2022/23 season, Cavallo ruptured his Achilles tendon, putting him out of action for 11 months. “I basically spent the whole year off, training to come back,” he says. “It’s like going to work every day and not being able to do your job.”

Returning to the Adelaide squad in January of 2024, Cavallo only managed to appear in four games before the injury plague struck again. This time, it was a rupture in his quad muscle, putting him back on the sidelines for another six months. “It can be very disheartening,” he says. “Football’s fantastic when you’re playing, but when you have setbacks like what I’ve had, it does test you.”

Cavallo spent the majority of his time off rehabbing and consulting with his club’s medical team on the best way to get back on the field. This process, he says, was made easier by his experience in the professional system and ultimately made him stronger. “I was 16 when I got my first professional contract, so I’ve been in this environment for a long time. I’ve got the right foundation and tools to look after myself, but it is very difficult to stay motivated and you just have to have a strong mindset. Coming into this new season, I’m feeling really strong, healthy and confident. I’m ready to go.”

This season is make or break for Cavallo’s team. Adelaide is in the second year of a major rebuild after their talismanic captain and Socceroos star Craig Goodwin departed before the start of last season, causing a skid down the A-League ladder from third to eighth in the space of a single season. Now, promising youngster Nestory Irankunda has left for Bayern Munich, while the previous season’s leading goalscorer, Hiroshi Ibusuki, was not retained after a breakout year.

Put simply, the squad has been gutted. Cavallo is one of the few holdouts left to pick up the pieces. Despite this, the 24-year-old is confident that Adelaide will be playing finals football sooner rather than later. “Walking into this preseason, we have had a makeover and a shift of talent and it’s looking really good,” he says. “In our Australia Cup games, we’ve gone out and shown how we want to play this year and I think that playstyle can carry us back into the finals.”

One benefit of Adelaide’s now depleted roster is that it could result in a larger – or at least more varied – role for Cavallo. In the past, the midfielder has been praised for his versatility, able to be deployed as a fullback in defence, as a playmaker in midfield, or as a pacey winger. Moving forward, however, he makes it clear that he does have a preferred position. “Naturally I’m an attacking midfielder who plays the role of a 10. I do understand that I’ll be used wherever needed, but that’s where I prefer to play,” he says. “It doesn’t really bother me what position I’m in though. I’m a midfielder, sure, but you’ll probably see me at left back, left wing and in defensive and attacking midfield.”

Regardless of where he sits on the pitch, Cavallo looks well positioned to move into a larger role after an impressive preseason showing where, at one stage, he scored a goal in three consecutive games. But, if he wants to maintain his position as the North star for the LGBTQ+ community in football, he will have to work for it.

This year is the last in the four-year contract Cavallo signed with Adelaide United in 2021. Like any player on an expiring contract, his future with the team isn’t guaranteed. “We’ll be working closely with Adelaide and seeing what is on the table,” he says. “But yeah, Adelaide is my home away from home. When I moved here, I was just a boy and in the time since I feel like I’ve become a man.”

Assuredly, Cavallo has been putting in the work. After spending the majority of the past two seasons on the sideline, he’s has been pushing himself to improve his skillset, hoping it will translate to more time on the field and ultimately, more of that all-important visibility. And while he understands that a club switch could be on the cards, if it were up to him, Cavallo wouldn’t be going anywhere. “I’ve enjoyed every bit of these past four seasons,” he says. “I will be looking to stay here.”

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The post Josh Cavallo has work to do appeared first on Men's Health Magazine Australia.

DIGITAL ISSUE

Why I Mo: Josh Cowan and Run For Rob

We sat down with the leader of ‘Run For Rob’ to discover the story behind one of Movember’s most successful fundraising teams

By Cayle Reid

FOR 11 MONTHS of the year, Josh Cowan is an unassuming school teacher at Melbourne’s Nazareth College. But in the month of November, Cowan heads up the Run For Rob group as ‘captain’ of a Movember team that raised nearly $30,000 to support men’s health in 2023 alone.

Cowan is a shining example of how everyday people can actively improve the state of men’s health across the country at a grassroots level. He’s not out campaigning every day, badgering his neighbours about this cause and that, but simply practises what he preaches, doing his part in reducing the rate of male suicide by being there for his mates and keeping his students informed on how to manage their mental health and the importance of supporting others.

It was that community-minded approach that led Cowan and his friends to start Run For Rob, an annual Movember challenge, in 2021. But first, who’s Rob? Allow Cowan to explain. “Rob was a mate of ours who passed away in 2019 from suicide,” he tells Men’s Health. “He posted his struggles on Facebook and shared his battle publicly, but didn’t get the support he needed. He’s been sorely missed.”

To honour Rob’s memory, every year Cowan and co. set out to run rings around a 2km loop at Caulfield Park. Starting from 4am, every runner covers a different distance. Some will ease into a 10k, while others, like Cowan, will push for up to 60km.

 

Last year Run For Rob attracted around 80 runners, by Cowan’s estimate. And while the event has grown significantly, it has humble beginnings. “It started during COVID in 2021 where we just couldn’t really connect, I suppose, and I was just running for fun,” says Cowan. “One of the boys suggested doing something with Movember, and we just thought this would be the perfect way to remember Rob because something we all knew him for was going on runs to the gym.”

It didn’t take long for Cowan to understand the impact that the Run For Rob event could have. “We learned really quickly that what we were doing was starting some really positive conversations,” he says. “It gives people something to mobilise around and come together to talk about these things that are usually difficult to share.”

In the first year of the event, only around ten runners participated. But according to Cowan that number quickly rose to 40 in 2022 and 80 in 2023. Now, the Run For Rob team is anticipating an even larger showing when they meet in November.

Cowan attributes much of Run For Rob’s growth to the support the team has received from Movember. “It makes a massive difference knowing that we’ve got them to help with stuff all the time. It gives us the power to start conversations about men’s health,” he says. “They are genuinely changing the face of health.”

And before you ask, yes, Cowan and the rest of the Run For Rob team will be sporting Mo’s during their runs. This ritual is more than just a gesture for Cowan, who uses it as a means to start important conversations about men’s health. “It’s a thing that I share with my students all the time,” he says. “Once you’ve had this conversation about why I have the moustache, it really helps people understand what I’m doing and the importance of it.”

If you or someone you know is struggling, please seek support from a mental health professional or call Lifeline on 13 11 14. For support resources visit Movember.com/getsupport

Together, we can unite to take on men’s health. The Moustache is Calling. Join us this Movember and Grow a Mo or, Move 60km for the 60 men suicide takes globally every hour. Raise funds. Save lives. Sign up now at Movember.com

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DIGITAL ISSUE

5 ways to support a loved one suffering from mental health concerns

Worried your partner is struggling to cope with stress or anxiety? A clinical psychologist breaks down how you can navigate the tricky subject of supporting a loved one suffering from mental ill-health

By dr maria-elena lukeides

IN ANY GIVEN YEAR, 1 in 5 Australians will experience a mental illness. This statistic highlights that mental health concerns can happen to anyone (even yourself). Talking to someone about mental health can be a difficult subject to broach, but it can be even harder when considering broaching the topic with a loved one.  

Think about it like this: when someone is feeling physically unwell or under the weather, most of us are comfortable referring them to a doctor or specialist. However, when it comes to mental health, the same approach just doesn’t seem to apply. That’s because there is still some stigma attached and while we have come a long way, at times it can feel like a taboo subject.  

Thankfully, as we move into the future, we are starting to get enough awareness to change the conversation. So, how can you support a loved one who is suffering? Below, Dr. Maria-Elena Lukeides from The Wellness Fountain details 5 ways to support someone with their mental health.  

1. Open up the lines of communication 

It can be hard to know what to say to someone when you are worried about them (especially since they tend to withdraw from those around them). This can make it hard to start a conversation how know that opening up the lines of communication is the first step in supporting them. A great way to start a conversation about mental health is letting your loved one know you are worried about them, based on the behaviour you have observed. For example, “we haven’t seen you much at any of the family gatherings lately, how are you?” or “I noticed you seem really tired lately, is there anything I can help with?” If they don’t seem like chatting right then and there, remind them that you are there for them whenever they are ready to talk.  

Whenever speaking to someone about mental health, focus on active listening and avoiding judgement. People benefit from open communication that involves attentive listening, harbouring of emotional safety and trust that the discussion won’t escalate to an argument or get emotionally overwhelming. Here, it might be worthwhile to explore “I” statements and avoid the word “you”. Instead of saying “you need to see a therapist because you’re not coping”, it might be worthwhile to consider “I can see it is a difficult time at the moment and I’m wondering if there is a professional who could help change that”.  

Be careful not to respond with phrases that might minimise how they feel (like “you’ll be fine” or “don’t worry about it”) which can imply you don’t think what is happening is that significant. Instead, consider saying things like “I’m sorry that sounds hard, how can I help?”.  

2. Create a safe space

Before jumping right in and asking someone about their mental health, consider the situation in which you are asking first. Is it in front of a group of people or when they’re about to go to bed at night? Or when they’re rushing out the door? If that’s the case, try to find a better time or a more private environment.

People are going to feel less likely to want to open up if they think others are listening. They’re also less likely to give you much of a response if they’re rushing out the door. It’s important to also note that it’s best to avoid having conversations about emotional wellbeing right before bed, as this can mean you’re getting the other person – and yourself – to really think about things that could keep you up at night. Instead, create a safe space that will feel comfortable for them, helping them to relax in a trusted environment. 

3. Know the resources to suggest 

When it comes to matters of the mind, the first step is talking, however the next step should always be action. Sometimes simply talking to loved one can be helpful, but there are times when a professional’s advice is needed. 

There are many places a person can turn to for mental health help. If the matter is urgent and you are worried that the person might be at harm to themselves or someone else, please call 000 immediately. For less urgent matters, there are many services available in Australia that a person can turn to. Services like Lifeline and Beyond Blue all provide support by way of free over-the-phone counselling with trained experts. The best place to suggest is visiting your local General Practitioner who will be able to point you towards several services and professionals. The Wellness Fountain is another option, as it provides access to a trained psychologist with over 25 years experience.

Put simply, there is no reason why someone should suffer in silence. Support your loved one by doing some research into the mental health resources available to suggest and gently remind them that it is ok to seek help. Or, go one step further and help them book the appointment, or even go with them as a support (should they request it or feel comfortable).  

4. Offer practical help

When someone is suffering from mental health concerns, day to day tasks can feel extremely difficult. Even getting out of bed can be a daunting task or cooking themselves a meal can feel like preparing for a marathon. Sometimes offering help in practical ways can help a person in emotional ways. Offering to make them some meals for the week, do their groceries, pick up their dry cleaning, or minding their children, can be practical help that can ease their mental load. Find out what they would be comfortable with and be sure to assist however you can. 

5. Take care of your own mental health

While it sounds counterintuitive, taking care of your own mental health should be a priority when supporting someone with theirs. Being someone’s support network can be emotionally taxing, so be sure to prioritise your emotional wellbeing. In fact, it’s important to make your mental health more important than those around you. Sure, you need to support your loved one, but just remind yourself that there are professionals who can help, and that you can provide better support to someone else when you’re feeling 100%.  

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For Australians, particularly in remote and underserved areas, this shift offers unprecedented access to mental health support. As researchers delve into this evolving field, it becomes essential to understand how telecounselling enhances the efficacy and reach of counselling practices while addressing ethical and practical considerations.

The Role of Advanced Education in Telecounselling

To effectively navigate the complexities of telecounselling, counsellors require specialized skills and knowledge that extend beyond traditional training. Pursuing a master of counselling online equips professionals with the expertise needed to excel in this digital landscape.

These programs offer comprehensive curricula techniques tailored for online environments. By engaging in advanced education, counsellors can deepen their understanding of the unique challenges and opportunities presented by telecounselling. This will ultimately enhance their ability to make a positive impact on clients’ lives across Australia.

Enhancing Confidentiality with Advanced Technologies

Confidentiality remains a cornerstone of effective counselling, and the digital realm offers new tools to uphold this principle. In Australia, stringent regulations like the Privacy Act 1988 and the Australian Privacy Principles (APPs) provide a legal framework for protecting client data.

Advancements in encryption and secure communication platforms are further bolstering these efforts, while also ensuring that sensitive information remains private. Researchers can explore how these technologies not only safeguard confidentiality, but also build trust between clients and counsellors, setting new standards for ethical practice in the digital age.

Expanding Therapist Competency in Digital Communication

The transition to online platforms challenges counsellors to adapt their communication skills to a virtual context. Non-verbal cues, which play an important role in in-person sessions, can be more difficult to interpret online. This has led to the development of new techniques and tools designed to improve virtual interactions.

Australian training programs are incorporating these competencies, emphasizing the importance of eye contact through the camera, active listening, and verbal affirmations.

Researching these evolving practices can provide insights into how digital communication skills contribute to more effective therapeutic outcomes within the Australian context.

Breaking Down Barriers to Accessibility

Telecounselling is making mental health services more accessible than ever before. For Australians living in remote or rural areas, where such services have traditionally been scarce, digital platforms offer a vital connection to professional support.

Researchers can investigate how telecounselling is reducing disparities in mental health care across the country’s vast landscapes. Innovative solutions, such as mobile counselling apps and community internet initiatives, are extending reach to even the most isolated populations, including indigenous communities. This expansion of access holds the potential to improve overall mental health outcomes nationwide.

Strengthening the Therapeutic Alliance Online

Establishing a strong therapeutic alliance is crucial for successful counselling outcomes, and this is equally true in a virtual setting. Australian counsellors are finding creative ways to build trust and rapport online.

Utilizing interactive tools, personalized digital environments, and consistent communication can enhance the sense of connection between counsellor and client. Research into these methods is uncovering strategies that may even surpass the effectiveness of traditional in-person sessions, offering clients flexible and personalized support that respects their cultural and individual needs.

Integrating AI for Enhanced Counselling Services

Artificial intelligence (AI) is introducing new dimensions to counselling services. AI tools can assist Australian therapists by performing preliminary assessments, monitoring client progress, and offering immediate support through chatbots.

When used ethically and effectively, these technologies can augment the counselling process, making services more responsive and personalized. Researching the integration of AI can help identify best practices and potential pitfalls, ensuring that technological advancements enhance rather than detract from the therapeutic experience.

Shaping a Positive Future for Counselling in Australia

The embrace of telecounselling represents a hopeful advancement in the Australian cousnelling profession. By addressing ethical considerations, enhancing accessbility, and integrating innovative technologies, counsellors can provide more effective and personalized mental health care.

Advanced education, such as obtaining a master of counselling online, plays a pivotal role in preparing professionals to meet these new challenges. Researchers and practitioners alike have the opportunity to shape this positive future by exploring and promoting practices that maximize the benefits of digital technology. Through collaborative efforts, the counselling field in Australia can continue to evolve, providing better support to those in need and contributing to the overall well-being of society.

The post Embracing Counselling in the Digital Age appeared first on Men's Health Magazine Australia.